Short Story by Guy de Maupassant
I
What a strange idea it was for me to choose
Mademoiselle Pearl for queen that evening!
Every year I celebrate Twelfth Night with my old
friend Chantal. My father, who was his most intimate friend, used to take me
round there when I was a child. I continued the custom, and I doubtless shall
continue it as long as I live and as long as there is a Chantal in this world.
The Chantals lead a peculiar existence; they live in
Paris as though they were in Grasse, Evetot, or Pont-a-Mousson.
They have a house with a little garden near the
observatory. They live there as though they were in the country. Of Paris, the
real Paris, they know nothing at all, they suspect nothing; they are so far, so
far away! However, from time to time, they take a trip into it. Mademoiselle Chantal
goes to lay in her provisions, as it is called in the family. This is how they
go to purchase their provisions:
Mademoiselle Pearl, who has the keys to the kitchen
closet (for the linen closets are administered by the mistress herself),
Mademoiselle Pearl gives warning that the supply of sugar is low, that the
preserves are giving out, that there is not much left in the bottom of the
coffee bag. Thus warned against famine, Mademoiselle Chantal passes everything
in review, taking notes on a pad. Then she puts down a lot of figures and goes
through lengthy calculations and long discussions with Mademoiselle Pearl. At last
they manage to agree, and they decide upon the quantity of each thing of which
they will lay in a three months' provision; sugar, rice, prunes, coffee,
preserves, cans of peas, beans, lobster, salt or smoked fish, etc., etc. After
which the day for the purchasing is determined on and they go in a cab with a
railing round the top and drive to a large grocery store on the other side of
the river in the new sections of the town.
Madame Chantal and Mademoiselle Pearl make this trip
together, mysteriously, and only return at dinner time, tired out, although
still excited, and shaken up by the cab, the roof of which is covered with
bundles and bags, like an express wagon.
For the Chantals all that part of Paris situated on
the other side of the Seine constitutes the new quarter, a section inhabited by
a strange, noisy population, which cares little for honor, spends its days in
dissipation, its nights in revelry, and which throws money out of the windows.
From time to time, however, the young girls are taken to the Opera-Comique or
the Theatre Francais, when the play is recommended by the paper which is read
by M. Chantal.
At present the young ladies are respectively
nineteen and seventeen. They are two pretty girls, tall and fresh, very well
brought up, in fact, too well brought up, so much so that they pass by
unperceived like two pretty dolls. Never would the idea come to me to pay the
slightest attention or to pay court to one of the young Chantal ladies; they
are so immaculate that one hardly dares speak to them; one almost feels
indecent when bowing to them.
As for the father, he is a charming man, well
educated, frank, cordial, but he likes calm and quiet above all else, and has
thus contributed greatly to the mummifying of his family in order to live as he
pleased in stagnant quiescence. He reads a lot, loves to talk and is readily
affected. Lack of contact and of elbowing with the world has made his moral
skin very tender and sensitive. The slightest thing moves him, excites him, and
makes him suffer.
The Chantals have limited connections carefully
chosen in the neighborhood. They also exchange two or three yearly visits with
relatives who live in the distance.
As for me, I take dinner with them on the fifteenth
of August and on Twelfth Night. That is as much one of my duties as Easter
communion is for a Catholic.
On the fifteenth of August a few friends are
invited, but on Twelfth Night I am the only stranger.
Well, this year, as every former year, I went to the
Chantals' for my Epiphany dinner.
According to my usual custom, I kissed M. Chantal,
Madame Chantal and Mademoiselle Pearl, and I made a deep bow to the Misses
Louise and Pauline. I was questioned about a thousand and one things, about
what had happened on the boulevards, about politics, about how matters stood in
Tong-King, and about our representatives in Parliament. Madame Chantal, a fat
lady, whose ideas always gave me the impression of being carved out square like
building stones, was accustomed to exclaiming at the end of every political
discussion: "All that is seed which does not promise much for the
future!" Why have I always imagined that Madame Chantal's ideas are
square? I don't know; but everything that she says takes that shape in my head:
a big square, with four symmetrical angles. There are other people whose ideas
always strike me as being round and rolling like a hoop. As soon as they begin
a sentence on any subject it rolls on and on, coming out in ten, twenty, fifty
round ideas, large and small, which I see rolling along, one behind the other,
to the end of the horizon. Other people have pointed ideas--but enough of this.
We sat down as usual and finished our dinner without
anything out of the ordinary being said. At dessert the Twelfth Night cake was
brought on. Now, M. Chantal had been king every year. I don't know whether this
was the result of continued chance or a family convention, but he unfailingly
found the bean in his piece of cake, and he would proclaim Madame Chantal to be
queen. Therefore, I was greatly surprised to find something very hard, which
almost made me break a tooth, in a mouthful of cake. Gently I took this thing
from my mouth and I saw that it was a little porcelain doll, no bigger than a
bean. Surprise caused me to exclaim:
"Ah!" All looked at me, and Chantal
clapped his hands and cried: "It's Gaston! It's Gaston! Long live the
king! Long live the king!"
All took up the chorus: "Long live the
king!" And I blushed to the tip of my ears, as one often does, without any
reason at all, in situations which are a little foolish. I sat there looking at
my plate, with this absurd little bit of pottery in my fingers, forcing myself
to laugh and not knowing what to do or say, when Chantal once more cried out:
"Now, you must choose a queen!"
Then I was thunderstruck. In a second a thousand
thoughts and suppositions flashed through my mind. Did they expect me to pick
out one of the young Chantal ladies? Was that a trick to make me say which one
I prefer? Was it a gentle, light, direct hint of the parents toward a possible
marriage? The idea of marriage roams continually in houses with grown-up girls,
and takes every shape and disguise, and employs every subterfuge. A dread of
compromising myself took hold of me as well as an extreme timidity before the
obstinately correct and reserved attitude of the Misses Louise and Pauline. To
choose one of them in preference to the other seemed to me as difficult as
choosing between two drops of water; and then the fear of launching myself into
an affair which might, in spite of me, lead me gently into matrimonial ties, by
means as wary and imperceptible and as calm as this insignificant royalty--the
fear of all this haunted me.
Suddenly I had an inspiration, and I held out to
Mademoiselle Pearl the symbolical emblem. At first every one was surprised,
then they doubtless appreciated my delicacy and discretion, for they applauded
furiously. Everybody was crying: "Long live the queen! Long live the
queen!"
As for herself, poor old maid, she was so amazed
that she completely lost control of herself; she was trembling and stammering:
"No--no--oh! no-- not me--please--not me--I beg of you----"
Then for the first time in my life I looked at
Mademoiselle Pearl and wondered what she was.
I was accustomed to seeing her in this house, just
as one sees old upholstered armchairs on which one has been sitting since
childhood without ever noticing them. One day, with no reason at all, because a
ray of sunshine happens to strike the seat, you suddenly think: "Why, that
chair is very curious"; and then you discover that the wood has been
worked by a real artist and that the material is remarkable. I had never taken
any notice of Mademoiselle Pearl.
She was a part of the Chantal family, that was all.
But how? By what right? She was a tall, thin person who tried to remain in the
background, but who was by no means insignificant. She was treated in a
friendly manner, better than a housekeeper, not so well as a relative. I suddenly
observed several shades of distinction which I had never noticed before. Madame
Chantal said: "Pearl." The young ladies: "Mademoiselle
Pearl," and Chantal only addressed her as "Mademoiselle," with
an air of greater respect, perhaps.
I began to observe her. How old could she be? Forty?
Yes, forty. She was not old, she made herself old. I was suddenly struck by
this fact. She fixed her hair and dressed in a ridiculous manner, and,
notwithstanding all that, she was not in the least ridiculous, she had such
simple, natural gracefulness, veiled and hidden. Truly, what a strange
creature! How was it I had never observed her before? She dressed her hair in a
grotesque manner with little old maid curls, most absurd; but beneath this one
could see a large, calm brow, cut by two deep lines, two wrinkles of long
sadness, then two blue eyes, large and tender, so timid, so bashful, so humble,
two beautiful eyes which had kept the expression of naive wonder of a young
girl, of youthful sensations, and also of sorrow, which had softened without
spoiling them.
Her whole face was refined and discreet, a face the
expression of which seemed to have gone out without being used up or faded by
the fatigues and great emotions of life.
What a dainty mouth! and such pretty teeth! But one
would have thought that she did not dare smile.
Suddenly I compared her to Madame Chantal!
Undoubtedly Mademoiselle Pearl was the better of the two, a hundred times
better, daintier, prouder, more noble. I was surprised at my observation. They
were pouring out champagne. I held my glass up to the queen and, with a well-
turned compliment, I drank to her health. I could see that she felt inclined to
hide her head in her napkin. Then, as she was dipping her lips in the clear
wine, everybody cried: "The queen drinks! the queen drinks!" She
almost turned purple and choked. Everybody was laughing; but I could see that
all loved her.
As soon as dinner was over Chantal took me by the
arm. It was time for his cigar, a sacred hour. When alone he would smoke it out
in the street; when guests came to dinner he would take them to the billiard
room and smoke while playing. That evening they had built a fire to celebrate
Twelfth Night; my old friend took his cue, a very fine one, and chalked it with
great care; then he said:
"You break, my boy!"
He called me "my boy," although I was
twenty-five, but he had known me as a young child.
I started the game and made a few carroms. I missed
some others, but as the thought of Mademoiselle Pearl kept returning to my
mind, I suddenly asked:
"By the way, Monsieur Chantal, is Mademoiselle
Pearl a relative of yours?"
Greatly surprised, he stopped playing and looked at
me:
"What! Don't you know? Haven't you heard about
Mademoiselle Pearl?"
"No."
"Didn't your father ever tell you?"
"No."
"Well, well, that's funny! That certainly is
funny! Why, it's a regular romance!"
He paused, and then continued:
"And if you only knew how peculiar it is that
you should ask me that to- day, on Twelfth Night!"
"Why?"
"Why? Well, listen. Forty-one years ago to day,
the day of the Epiphany, the following events occurred: We were then living at
Roiiy-le-Tors, on the ramparts; but in order that you may understand, I must
first explain the house. Roily is built on a hill, or, rather, on a mound which
overlooks a great stretch of prairie. We had a house there with a beautiful
hanging garden supported by the old battlemented wall; so that the house was in
the town on the streets, while the garden overlooked the plain. There was a
door leading from the garden to the open country, at the bottom of a secret
stairway in the thick wall--the kind you read about in novels. A road passed in
front of this door, which was provided with a big bell; for the peasants, in
order to avoid the roundabout way, would bring their provisions up this way.
"You now understand the place, don't you? Well,
this year, at Epiphany, it had been snowing for a week. One might have thought
that the world was coming to an end. When we went to the ramparts to look over
the plain, this immense white, frozen country, which shone like varnish, would
chill our very souls. One might have thought that the Lord had packed the world
in cotton to put it away in the storeroom for old worlds. I can assure you that
it was dreary looking.
"We were a very numerous family at that time my
father, my mother, my uncle and aunt, my two brothers and four cousins; they
were pretty little girls; I married the youngest. Of all that crowd, there are
only three of us left: my wife, I, and my sister-in-law, who lives in
Marseilles. Zounds! how quickly a family like that dwindles away! I tremble
when I think of it! I was fifteen years old then, since I am fifty-six now.
"We were going to celebrate the Epiphany, and
we were all happy, very happy! Everybody was in the parlor, awaiting dinner,
and my oldest brother, Jacques, said: 'There has been a dog howling out in the
plain for about ten minutes; the poor beast must be lost.'
"He had hardly stopped talking when the garden
bell began to ring. It had the deep sound of a church bell, which made one
think of death. A shiver ran through everybody. My father called the servant
and told him to go outside and look. We waited in complete silence; we were
thinking of the snow which covered the ground. When the man returned he
declared that he had seen nothing. The dog kept up its ceaseless howling, and
always from the same spot.
"We sat down to dinner; but we were all uneasy,
especially the young people. Everything went well up to the roast, then the
bell began to ring again, three times in succession, three heavy, long strokes
which vibrated to the tips of our fingers and which stopped our conversation
short. We sat there looking at each other, fork in the air, still listening,
and shaken by a kind of supernatural fear.
"At last my mother spoke: 'It's surprising that
they should have waited so long to come back. Do not go alone, Baptiste; one of
these gentlemen will accompany you.'
"My Uncle Francois arose. He was a kind of
Hercules, very proud of his strength, and feared nothing in the world. My
father said to him: 'Take a gun. There is no telling what it might be.'
"But my uncle only took a cane and went out
with the servant.
"We others remained there trembling with fear
and apprehension, without eating or speaking. My father tried to reassure us:
'Just wait and see,' he said; 'it will be some beggar or some traveller lost in
the snow. After ringing once, seeing that the door was not immediately opened,
he attempted again to find his way, and being unable to, he has returned to our
door.'
"Our uncle seemed to stay away an hour. At last
he came back, furious, swearing: 'Nothing at all; it's some practical joker!
There is nothing but that damned dog howling away at about a hundred yards from
the walls. If I had taken a gun I would have killed him to make him keep
quiet.'
"We sat down to dinner again, but everyone was
excited; we felt that all was not over, that something was going to happen,
that the bell would soon ring again.
"It rang just as the Twelfth Night cake was
being cut. All the men jumped up together. My Uncle, Francois, who had been
drinking champagne, swore so furiously that he would murder it, whatever it
might be, that my mother and my aunt threw themselves on him to prevent his
going. My father, although very calm and a little helpless (he limped ever
since he had broken his leg when thrown by a horse), declared, in turn, that he
wished to find out what was the matter and that he was going. My brothers, aged
eighteen and twenty, ran to get their guns; and as no one was paying any
attention to me I snatched up a little rifle that was used in the garden and
got ready to accompany the expedition.
"It started out immediately. My father and
uncle were walking ahead with Baptiste, who was carrying a lantern. My
brothers, Jacques and Paul, followed, and I trailed on behind in spite of the
prayers of my mother, who stood in front of the house with her sister and my
cousins.
"It had been snowing again for the last hour,
and the trees were weighted down. The pines were bending under this heavy,
white garment, and looked like white pyramids or enormous sugar cones, and
through the gray curtains of small hurrying flakes could be seen the lighter
bushes which stood out pale in the shadow. The snow was falling so thick that
we could hardly see ten feet ahead of us. But the lantern threw a bright light
around us. When we began to go down the winding stairway in the wall I really grew
frightened. I felt as though some one were walking behind me, were going to
grab me by the shoulders and carry me away, and I felt a strong desire to
return; but, as I would have had to cross the garden all alone, I did not dare.
I heard some one opening the door leading to the plain; my uncle began to swear
again, exclaiming: 'By ---! He has gone again! If I can catch sight of even his
shadow, I'll take care not to miss him, the swine!'
"It was a discouraging thing to see this great
expanse of plain, or, rather, to feel it before us, for we could not see it; we
could only see a thick, endless veil of snow, above, below, opposite us, to the
right, to the left, everywhere. My uncle continued:
'Listen! There is the dog howling again; I will
teach him how I shoot. That will be something gained, anyhow.'
"But my father, who was kind-hearted, went on:
'It will be much better to go on and get the poor
animal, who is crying for hunger. The poor fellow is barking for help; he is
calling like a man in distress. Let us go to him.'
"So we started out through this mist, through
this thick continuous fall of snow, which filled the air, which moved, floated,
fell, and chilled the skin with a burning sensation like a sharp, rapid pain as
each flake melted. We were sinking in up to our knees in this soft, cold mass,
and we had to lift our feet very high in order to walk. As we advanced the
dog's voice became clearer and stronger. My uncle cried: 'Here he is!' We
stopped to observe him as one does when he meets an enemy at night.
"I could see nothing, so I ran up to the
others, and I caught sight of him; he was frightful and weird-looking; he was a
big black shepherd's dog with long hair and a wolf's head, standing just within
the gleam of light cast by our lantern on the snow. He did not move; he was
silently watching us.
"My uncle said: 'That's peculiar, he is neither
advancing nor retreating. I feel like taking a shot at him.'
"My father answered in a firm voice: 'No, we
must capture him.'
"Then my brother Jacques added: 'But he is not
alone. There is something behind him."
"There was indeed something behind him,
something gray, impossible to distinguish. We started out again cautiously.
When he saw us approaching the dog sat down. He did not look wicked. Instead,
he seemed pleased at having been able to attract the attention of some one.
"My father went straight to him and petted him.
The dog licked his hands. We saw that he was tied to the wheel of a little
carriage, a sort of toy carriage entirely wrapped up in three or four woolen
blankets. We carefully took off these coverings, and as Baptiste approached his
lantern to the front of this little vehicle, which looked like a rolling
kennel, we saw in it a little baby sleeping peacefully.
"We were so astonished that we couldn't speak.
My father was the first to collect his wits, and as
he had a warm heart and a broad mind, he stretched his hand over the roof of
the carriage and said: 'Poor little waif, you shall be one of us!' And he ordered
my brother Jacques to roll the foundling ahead of us. Thinking out loud, my
father continued:
"'Some child of love whose poor mother rang at
my door on this night of Epiphany in memory of the Child of God.'
"He once more stopped and called at the top of
his lungs through the night to the four corners of the heavens: 'We have found
it!' Then, putting his hand on his brother's shoulder, he murmured: 'What if
you had shot the dog, Francois?'
"My uncle did not answer, but in the darkness
he crossed himself, for, notwithstanding his blustering manner, he was very
religious.
"The dog, which had been untied, was following
us.
"Ah! But you should have seen us when we got to
the house! At first we had a lot of trouble in getting the carriage up through
the winding stairway; but we succeeded and even rolled it into the vestibule.
"How funny mamma was! How happy and astonished!
And my four little cousins (the youngest was only six), they looked like four
chickens around a nest. At last we took the child from the carriage. It was
still sleeping. It was a girl about six weeks old. In its clothes we found ten
thousand francs in gold, yes, my boy, ten thousand francs!-- which papa saved
for her dowry. Therefore, it was not a child of poor people, but, perhaps, the
child of some nobleman and a little bourgeoise of the town--or again--we made a
thousand suppositions, but we never found out anything-never the slightest
clue. The dog himself was recognized by no one. He was a stranger in the
country. At any rate, the person who rang three times at our door must have
known my parents well, to have chosen them thus.
"That is how, at the age of six weeks,
Mademoiselle Pearl entered the Chantal household.
"It was not until later that she was called
Mademoiselle Pearl. She was at first baptized 'Marie Simonne Claire,' Claire
being intended, for her family name.
"I can assure you that our return to the
diningroom was amusing, with this baby now awake and looking round her at these
people and these lights with her vague blue questioning eyes.
"We sat down to dinner again and the cake was
cut. I was king, and for queen I took Mademoiselle Pearl, just as you did
to-day. On that day she did not appreciate the honor that was being shown her.
"Well, the child was adopted and brought up in
the family. She grew, and the years flew by. She was so gentle and loving and
minded so well that everyone would have spoiled her abominably had not my
mother prevented it.
"My mother was an orderly woman with a great
respect for class distinctions. She consented to treat little Claire as she did
her own sons, but, nevertheless, she wished the distance which separated us to
be well marked, and our positions well established. Therefore, as soon as the
child could understand, she acquainted her with her story and gently, even
tenderly, impressed on the little one's mind that, for the Chantals, she was an
adopted daughter, taken in, but, nevertheless, a stranger. Claire understood
the situation with peculiar intelligence and with surprising instinct; she knew
how to take the place which was allotted her, and to keep it with so much tact,
gracefulness and gentleness that she often brought tears to my father's eyes.
My mother herself was often moved by the passionate gratitude and timid
devotion of this dainty and loving little creature that she began calling her:
'My daughter.' At times, when the little one had done something kind and good,
my mother would raise her spectacles on her forehead, a thing which always
indicated emotion with her, and she would repeat: 'This child is a pearl, a
perfect pearl!' This name stuck to the little Claire, who became and remained
for us Mademoiselle Pearl."
II
M. Chantal stopped. He was sitting on the edge of
the billiard table, his feet hanging, and was playing with a ball with his left
hand, while with his right he crumpled a rag which served to rub the chalk
marks from the slate. A little red in the face, his voice thick, he was talking
away to himself now, lost in his memories, gently drifting through the old
scenes and events which awoke in his mind, just as we walk through old family
gardens where we were brought up and where each tree, each walk, each hedge
reminds us of some occurrence.
I stood opposite him leaning against the wall, my
hands resting on my idle cue.
After a slight pause he continued:
"By Jove! She was pretty at eighteen--and graceful--and
perfect. Ah! She was so sweet--and good and true--and charming! She had such
eyes- blue-transparent--clear--such eyes as I have never seen since!"
He was once more silent. I asked: "Why did she
never marry?"
He answered, not to me, but to the word
"marry" which had caught his ear: "Why? why? She never
would--she never would! She had a dowry of thirty thousand francs, and she
received several offers--but she never would! She seemed sad at that time. That
was when I married my cousin, little Charlotte, my wife, to whom I had been
engaged for six years."
I looked at M. Chantal, and it seemed to me that I
was looking into his very soul, and I was suddenly witnessing one of those
humble and cruel tragedies of honest, straightforward, blameless hearts, one of
those secret tragedies known to no one, not even the silent and resigned
victims. A rash curiosity suddenly impelled me to exclaim:
"You should have married her, Monsieur
Chantal!"
He started, looked at me, and said:
"I? Marry whom?"
"Mademoiselle Pearl."
"Why?"
"Because you loved her more than your
cousin."
He stared at me with strange, round, bewildered eyes
and stammered:
"I loved her--I? How? Who told you that?"
"Why, anyone can see that--and it's even on
account of her that you delayed for so long your marriage to your cousin who
had been waiting for you for six years."
He dropped the ball which he was holding in his left
hand, and, seizing the chalk rag in both hands, he buried his face in it and
began to sob. He was weeping with his eyes, nose and mouth in a heartbreaking
yet ridiculous manner, like a sponge which one squeezes. He was coughing,
spitting and blowing his nose in the chalk rag, wiping his eyes and sneezing;
then the tears would again begin to flow down the wrinkles on his face and he
would make a strange gurgling noise in his throat. I felt bewildered, ashamed;
I wanted to run away, and I no longer knew what to say, do, or attempt.
Suddenly Madame Chantal's voice sounded on the
stairs. "Haven't you men almost finished smoking your cigars?"
I opened the door and cried: "Yes, madame, we
are coming right down."
Then I rushed to her husband, and, seizing him by
the shoulders, I cried: "Monsieur Chantal, my friend Chantal, listen to
me; your wife is calling; pull yourself together, we must go downstairs."
He stammered: "Yes--yes--I am coming--poor
girl! I am coming--tell her that I am coming."
He began conscientiously to wipe his face on the
cloth which, for the last two or three years, had been used for marking off the
chalk from the slate; then he appeared, half white and half red, his forehead,
nose, cheeks and chin covered with chalk, and his eyes swollen, still full of
tears.
I caught him by the hands and dragged him into his
bedroom, muttering: "I beg your pardon, I beg your pardon, Monsieur
Chantal, for having caused you such sorrow--but--I did not know--you--you
understand."
He squeezed my hand, saying: "Yes--yes--there
are difficult moments."
Then he plunged his face into a bowl of water. When
he emerged from it he did not yet seem to me to be presentable; but I thought
of a little stratagem. As he was growing worried, looking at himself in the
mirror, I said to him: "All you have to do is to say that a little dust
flew into your eye and you can cry before everybody to your heart's
content."
He went downstairs rubbing his eyes with his
handkerchief. All were worried; each one wished to look for the speck, which
could not be found; and stories were told of similar cases where it had been
necessary to call in a physician.
I went over to Mademoiselle Pearl and watched her,
tormented by an ardent curiosity, which was turning to positive suffering. She
must indeed have been pretty, with her gentle, calm eyes, so large that it
looked as though she never closed them like other mortals. Her gown was a
little ridiculous, a real old maid's gown, which was unbecoming without
appearing clumsy.
It seemed to me as though I were looking into her
soul, just as I had into Monsieur Chantal's; that I was looking right from one
end to the other of this humble life, so simple and devoted. I felt an
irresistible longing to question her, to find out whether she, too, had loved
him; whether she also had suffered, as he had, from this long, secret, poignant
grief, which one cannot see, know, or guess, but which breaks forth at night in
the loneliness of the dark room. I was watching her, and I could observe her
heart beating under her waist, and I wondered whether this sweet, candid face
had wept on the soft pillow and she had sobbed, her whole body shaken by the
violence of her anguish.
I said to her in a low voice, like a child who is
breaking a toy to see what is inside: "If you could have seen Monsieur
Chantal crying a while ago it would have moved you."
She started, asking: "What? He was
weeping?"
"Ah, yes, he was indeed weeping!"
"Why?"
She seemed deeply moved. I answered:
"On your account."
"On my account?"
"Yes. He was telling me how much he had loved
you in the days gone by; and what a pang it had given him to marry his cousin
instead of you."
Her pale face seemed to grow a little longer; her
calm eyes, which always remained open, suddenly closed so quickly that they
seemed shut forever. She slipped from her chair to the floor, and slowly,
gently sank down as would a fallen garment.
I cried: "Help! help! Mademoiselle Pearl is
ill."
Madame Chantal and her daughters rushed forward, and
while they were looking for towels, water and vinegar, I grabbed my hat and ran
away.
I walked away with rapid strides, my heart heavy, my
mind full of remorse and regret. And yet sometimes I felt pleased; I felt as
though I had done a praiseworthy and necessary act. I was asking myself:
"Did I do wrong or right?" They had that shut up in their hearts,
just as some people carry a bullet in a closed wound. Will they not be happier
now? It was too late for their torture to begin over again and early enough for
them to remember it with tenderness.
And perhaps some evening next spring, moved by a
beam of moonlight falling through the branches on the grass at their feet, they
will join and press their hands in memory of all this cruel and suppressed
suffering; and, perhaps, also this short embrace may infuse in their veins a
little of this thrill which they would not have known without it, and will give
to those two dead souls, brought to life in a second, the rapid and divine
sensation of this intoxication, of this madness which gives to lovers more
happiness in an instant than other men can gather during a whole lifetime!
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